You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Send help, water and tortillas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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