Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
