i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
