You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize