Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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