somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
