Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
