my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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