I wish they made helmets for livers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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