their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
