Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I understand Curling. That high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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