Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
