literally had 100 drinks last night.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
