I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
