I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how can u be prego again
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
