why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is wine microwaveable?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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