Screwed.edu
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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