Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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