tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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