I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
