If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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