our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
