I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
