I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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