My hand turned me down
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
