My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
