You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
