i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
