She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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