Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
