You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
