jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
