i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
