Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
