I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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