Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
