she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
