I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
