I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
