yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
