So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
