take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
