Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
