I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
