I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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