worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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