Can Purell be used as lube?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
