I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
