i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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