who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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