Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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