i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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