I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
zippers are such a cool invention
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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