Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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