I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
