I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
