barbara walters just said penis...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
