If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
