ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
