fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
from now on my penis is your penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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