just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at about main and main street
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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