Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
