my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
