Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
