dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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