my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
