The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
