but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
