I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My vagina just clenched in fear
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
