You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
