i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
